Ok, I’ll admit – this post has nothing to do with hiking in Hong Kong but I just had to share this!
I usually cut across shopping malls as fast as I can because I can’t quite stand them, but a ridiculous display of a “Tiger” in Miramar Shopping Center, Tsim Sha Tsui caught my attention as I was rushing home. The ambiance was, of course, supposed to be in line with the Chinese New Year celebrations (year of the Tiger). So throughout the shopping mall, they decided to plant images of a -get this- BRIGHT PINK colored tiger that looks like an angry Hello Kitty doll! It looks like Hello Kitty just saw a barking dog and got scared!
Or maybe they wanted to paint images of tigresses because they look more cute and therefore shoppers would feel more obligated to spend more. But then, isn’t this the year of the Tiger, not Tigress?
Ah, I’ll quit analyzing. Now brace yourself for a fierce picture of this Tiger!
Customs Official : ‘May I know your name?’
Passenger : ‘Batman’
Customs Official : ‘What’s your name!?’
Passenger : ‘My name is Bat-man’
Customs Official : ‘Trying to be funny!? What’s your surname?’
Passenger : ‘Super-man’
Customs Official : ‘So you’re telling me your name is Batman Superman?’
Passenger : ‘Yes’
Customs Official : ‘Arrest this guy…
When they had him in custody, he was asked to show his identification card:
Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By coincidence both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest and tripped over the snake and fell down.
‘Oh, my,’ said the bunny, ‘I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth and can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.’
‘That’s ok,’ replied the snake. ‘Actually, I too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and figure out what you are so you’ll know. ‘
‘That would be wonderful’ replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, ‘Well, you’re covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.’
‘Oh, thank you, thank you,’ cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, ‘Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.’
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, ‘Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be a team leader, a supervisor or possibly someone in senior management.
A director decided to award a prize of Rs.1000 for the best idea
for saving the company money during the recession.
It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to Rs. 100.
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The United States has developed a new weapon
that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing.
It’s called the stock market.
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“I tell ya, the economy is bad.
The economy is so bad, Iraqis can only afford to throw one shoe.” – Jay Leno
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The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker.
The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
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A man went to his bank manager and said,
‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’
‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’
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Update on the Japanese Banking Crisis
According to our inside contacts the Japanese banking crisis
shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it’s getting worse.
Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that
Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 employees at Karate Bank
got chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and
some staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
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Deft Definitions
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
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A concerned customer asked his stock broker
if the recent market decline and volatility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely, ” said the broker,
“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour.”
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Recession Bumper Sticker
The recession is worse than a divorce.
You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.
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JAY LENO’S QUIP
The stock market crashed this week, but market analysts are not calling it a crash.
They’re calling it a ‘correction. ‘
Oh, shut up! A correction. You never hear that at NASCAR.
‘Oh, we had a fiery correction on turn three. Four men are dead.’
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The Difference between Communism & Capitalism
In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy.
In capitalism we push the bank to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
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A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name
and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman.”
The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
And so it went until one little boy said:
“My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club.”
The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject.
Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately
and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.
Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development Director
at Lehman Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”
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What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A bond matures.
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A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether
or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, a stockbroker, in Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker,
“Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The broker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn.
He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister,
“Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a stockbroker -
he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe
and wooden staff? How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter.
“While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed.
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Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?
A. It’s called the Warren buffet.
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A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a shipwreck.
Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest.
The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well.
The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him.
But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off.
The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied, “Professional Courtesy!”
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Q: What’s the Capital of Iceland?
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…the husband became 92 years old.
